How to Help Your Freshly Minted Single Friend Take Charge of Valentine’s Day

By Monica Cary on Friday, February 13, 2015

Sure, sure, people say Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark Holiday, a consumerist’s dream come true based on some sort of esoteric history revolving around a martyr that has evolved or declined (depending on your perspective) into a bazillion dollar industry of gift giving and grand displays of affection.

But the fact that there is a history around this bright holiday can’t be denied. A 1440 John Lydgate poem honoring Henry V’s widow, Queen Katherine references the holiday:

“To look and search Cupid’s calendar,
And choose their choice, the great affection”

And, well, it’s everywhere. So there you have it – single people have been braving Valentine’s Day for ages; 1440 was a long time ago! But, in the age of selfies and snapchat, how do you help your daughter, your son, your co-worker, your sister, you name it – how can you help your freshly single BFF keep their heart happy and enjoy Valentine’s day?

Make a gigantic Valentine with a simple message and bring him takeout.

If you’ve got the time, I recommend poster a size message like:

“It’s Gonna Be Okay”
“The Person Reading this Rocks the Party”
“The Person Reading this is Hotter than Coffee”
“You Got This”

You get the idea. You can type it up and email it to a nearby Kinko’s. They’ll print it up for you in minutes – for about $2.00 – seriously, $2.00! Show up at his door with your arms spread wide holding the poster.

Note: Takeout, pizza and salad, or a home cooked meal is kinda critical. Honestly, I don’t recommend anyone (single or wildy in love) go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day. It’s a zoo.

Help your BFF figure out his or her strong suits.

This is a good one and you can do it all year. Buy two Valentine’s Day cards. In one card tell her your three favorite qualities about her. In the other card, drop in a $5 gift card to a favorite coffee shop and write this at the top: “Someone who adores me challenged me to write this”. Include a note asking her to write down three things that she feels are her strongest qualities. My favorite funny valentines are on Etsy. You can check out my Pinterest page for ideas. If you don’t have time for that, I’d hit up De Medici Paper, Butter Home Watson Kennedy, PCC, or Show Pony. My absolute fave is Elliot Bay Book Company.

Send Flowers.

Seriously, you’re still reading this paragraph? Do I really need to explain that sending flowers is always a good idea? Enough said. My favorite petal peddler in Seattle is Young Flowers. But, I’m pumped about the new little Capitol Hill pop-up shop Umlaut & Ampersand that will be at SugarPill. Look them up on Facebook to find out their holiday hours.

And, if you really run out of time, I recommend you set your alarm to send a text on February 14 just letting him or her know that you are sending them a little extra love.

Monica Cary is a partner at DuBois Cary PLLC, a family law firm with offices in Seattle and Bellevue. Please feel free to contact Monica at monica@duboislaw.net.

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Guts, Compassion and the Wisdom of Waiting Until After the Holidays to Divorce

By Amanda DuBois on Monday, December 29, 2014

Our firm sees a lot of clients just after the holidays and we want to say one thing: our hats are off to each and every one of you for not serving your spouse with divorce papers during the holidays. It takes guts, compassion and a clear head to make the decision to divorce, have a strong need to get started, but then wait and get through the festivities for the sake of your kids, your family and your future.

You’ve figured out that as frustrated and ready to get out of the marriage as you may be, it’s not worth it to begin a divorce during the holidays. Waiting until after the New Year spares everyone in the family for years to come because it keeps the holidays a family time, not a divorce time.

Here’s what you may have avoided:

You might have hurt the feelings of your entire extended family and angered your soon-to-be-ex by serving divorce papers during the holidays.
Now you don’t have to be reminded of your divorce every time the holidays roll around – you get to enjoy that time instead.
You spared your children the pain of associating what is usually one of the best weeks of the year with an emotionally difficult experience. That is a true gift.

The better way to use holiday time if you’re thinking about divorce is to plan for a divorce after the New Year. Since you’ll have time at home over the holidays, if you really have decided you must divorce, use that time to reflect on your goals as the newly single person you’re going to be again.

Think about how much you love your kids and how you’re going to help them through all of this. Read up on how to help kids cope with divorce. Gather your paperwork together and organize it. Reflect on the good times you’ve had in your marriage and give yourself permission to be okay with your decision. Revisit the family finances and make sure you understand what is going on. And consult with an attorney quietly, so that you can begin divorce proceedings in an intelligent, compassionate and educated way. And let the holidays remain the holidays – for everyone.

DuBois Cary Law. Compassionate Legal Representation for Northwest Families.

Offices in Seattle (206) 547-1486 and Bellevue (425) 279-7863

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Co-Parenting Tips For Your Northwest Summer

By Amanda DuBois on Friday, June 13, 2014

While kids can’t wait for the hottest months and for school to be out, parenting during the summer can be a ton of work. Coordinating summer school and day camps, vacation schedules – it can take the strategic planning skills of a masterful CEO and an assistant for working parents to hold it all together when the kids aren’t in school. The challenge for divorced parents is even tougher, but it can be done.

Attorneys who handle divorce and child custody issues can help you navigate it all if tensions are too high and communication is too difficult. However, with a little planning and patience you can get the hang of co-parenting in summertime.

Here are a few tips:

1. Keep your eye on the prize – your children’s health and happiness.

During the summer months, try and structure time so that the kids have time with each parent to play, relax, and get the hang of summer as a divorced family. Especially if you’re recently divorced, summer can be a great time to plan extra down time to cope with all the changes. Don’t forget, summer is recharge time for everyone, and a chance to work of stress by being outdoors and doing fun stuff.

2. Really know your parenting plan.

If you haven’t reviewed it lately, or are just getting started on co-parenting, read that document again and make sure you understand exactly what’s expected of each parent. With parenting plans, coloring inside the lines is always the way to go to keep the peace, help the kids know what to expect, and avoid tensions. Parenting plans are put into place as a family roadmap. Use your map for a more restful vacation.

3. Make an effort to rise above the issues you have with your ex.

The easiest way to do this is to keep the focus on what is best for your kids. In some ways, if your parenting plan is clear and you focus on your children, you don’t have to spend much time or energy worrying about what your ex is doing. Focusing on your kids will let you enjoy your summer with the people you love the most, not ruin your vacation obsessing about what your ex is doing. Who cares? It’s over. Summer co-parenting is a great time to practice enjoying the present.

4. Necessary communication – and no more – is the key to success.

Above all, don’t make your child be the messenger. Take responsibility for communication with your ex and let your children be kids. If you aren’t on speaking terms, then send an email or use texting for communication. And keep it short and sweet. It’s easier to stay away from difficult territory if your emails are only a couple of sentences long

5. Summer is a great time to see extended family.

It’s also an opportunity to help your kids spend time with your ex’s extended family. Your ex’s parents, aunts and uncles all like to know that the kids are free to go to the zoo or go out for ice cream when time permits. Summer months are also a good time to fit in a visit to your folks or a close relative who can help fill the lazy days with fun and-bonus!-adoring supervision for your child while you take that rare run or sit in the shade and read a book.

If you have questions or concerns about co-parenting during the summer, please feel free to call us. DuBois Cary Law Group.

Seattle: (206) 547-1486

Bellevue: (425) 279-7863

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