Are you asking yourself the wrong questions about your divorce? Most people do!
Are your questions about your divorce getting hijacked by emotionalism and anger, or are you asking questions from a calm and focused mind that leads you to the results you wish to achieve?
It’s time to take the focus off your ex-spouse and place it where it belongs — on you and your future.
Good results in your divorce depend on asking good questions. It’s just that simple.
Let me give you a couple of examples:
I have many clients, for instance, who come into my office, and ask me, “How can I make him or her pay?“
When a client comes into my office often times their whole goal is to get back at their spouse: “He’s going to pay for what he’s done to me and my family. I don’t want her to ever see the children. I want him to pay the price for what he’s done.”
If you are asking these questions, you’re heading in the wrong direction. “How do I make that person pay?” is focusing all of your attention on him or her and the behavior. And if you’re heading into a divorce, you need to focus on yourself, your children, your own well-being and your financial future.
You need to be asking questions that focus on yourself and your emotional health. You need to be asking questions about your future, and to focus your mind on where you intend to be when the divorce is over.
Questions like: What is really best for my children? What can I do to prepare myself for a career or job after my divorce? What can I do to be optimally prepared for my divorce?
You really have to start gathering information and reading information about what’s best for your children and what’s best for you.
You need to get financially savvy. You need to make sure you can support your family. You need to make sure you can get a job or you have a good enough job or you can get enough hours at your job so that you can be in a better financial position to weather the storm that’s coming, which might be incredibly difficult.
So rather than focusing on your soon-to-be-ex-spouse, and rather than focusing on “Can she do this?” and rather than focusing on “Can he take my kids away?’ and rather than focusing on “How can I make her pay?”, this is the time for you to take care of yourself, put all of your attention on yourself, gather a team of people around you, figure out how you’re going to approach this divorce and come up with a vision for not only how you see your divorce playing out, but how you see your life after your divorce playing out.
Focus on you, and view the positives even though it may be difficult to see them through the emotions and anger you may be feeling. Dealing from a position of emotionalism and anger is dealing from a position of weakness because you are not in control.
Do you want to be a pillar of strength, calm and power through this, or do you want to be ruled by things you can’t control? That is the decision you must make in order to truly get the results you want in your divorce.
